Dear Premiership Footballer

I may not always tell you exactly how much I appreciate you, but I do. I love admiring your skill on the ball. My heart leaps - and so do I - when you score an unbelievable goal. Your tricks always make me chuckle, and I appreciate it when you act as a good role model for my kids.

But - you know it, I know it - our relationship has been less than equal for quite some time. In fact, it's been getting more and more unequal! Our difference in income is striking - you earn more in a week than I or my friends could hope to earn in a year. Your lifestyle bears no resemblance to mine, needless to say! But most importantly, it's pretty hard to even keep track of what you're up to. I don't mean off the pitch (the Daily Mail website gives me more than I need to know), but on it. As you demand higher wages, your employer looks to me to fork out more for tickets, merchandise and TV subscriptions. And, to be honest, I can't keep up.

It's got a lot worse recently. Many of your fans are seeing their wages shrink! Quite a lot of them have lost their jobs! Not you, though. At least - not yet.

But today it was announced that Setanta - one of the middle-men that we hand over wads of cash to so we can catch you on the pitch - is heading for administration. This should wake us all up, I reckon. Now even the broadcasters can't keep up with the FA, who can't keep up with the wage deal they've struck with you and your friends! Where will it all end?

Don't get me wrong: I still think you're great. Well, most of the time... It's not all your fault. We're all guilty of feeding this system. But now it's unsustainable. We all need to rethink - starting with the FA, the Premiership clubs... and you.

As for me - well, I'm going to hold on to my cash and wait to see what happens next. In the meantime, I'll check out my DVDs of your greatest moments - that should keep me going for the summer at least, and they're free to view!